


Something To Believe In

by love_hp



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10354404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_hp/pseuds/love_hp
Summary: "When they were together there was no employer and staff member, no upper class and working class. No labels. It was just Toby and Adil, as equals."AU where Freddie sees Toby & Adil instead of D'Abberville, so anything after that in the show doesn't happen here. Because 1) I need more Freddie & Toby twin bonding and 2) I just want them to be happy. Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

The hardest part was saying goodbye. Having to leave the warmth and security of Adil and head back to the hotel with his big room and empty bed. He constantly felt extremely lonely there, even though there was so many people around him. Sometimes he would dream that he had fallen asleep in his bed with Adil there right beside him, their bodies intertwined and arms around each other. He always woke up disappointed though. He would much rather stay with Adil in his small, cosy flat which felt more like home to Toby after a couple of weeks than the hotel ever would. If they were a “normal” couple there wouldn’t be a problem… although there was no use in thinking this like that, it didn’t change anything. It was just too dangerous, and that is how Toby found himself wandering home after another night of being immersed in his love with Adil.

“Good evening, Mr Feldman,” Toby greeted the doorman on night shift as he walked into the hotel, trying to act normal like it wasn’t unusual for him, or anybody else for that matter, to be wandering back in this late.

“Good morning, you mean,” he smiled, nodding his head towards the large clock above the entrance. Toby looked up and saw it was already nearly 6 o’clock in the morning. Where had the time gone? He caught himself smiling subconsciously as his thoughts ran back to what he had been up to.

Toby didn’t know what to say to that so just awkwardly chuckled before making his way as fast as he could up the stairs feeling rather thankful. Mr Feldman wasn’t one to gossip unlike so many of the other staff members, so he figured he was safe for now. If it had been Emma or Mr Garland even, he knew he would have had a lot more questions directed towards him, but that’s because they’ve known him forever and he almost sees them as family. They would just be looking out for him, not being nosey. As for the rest of the staff though, it wasn’t their job to know what was going on in his private life. Well, except for Adil of course. He knew his private life better than anybody and that’s the way Toby liked it.

Toby stifled a yawn and ran his hand through his messed up hair as he travelled upwards in the elevator. He was going to have a shower and then go straight to bed and hopefully sleep until lunch time. He could just tell the others that he had been concentrating on his work in his room and didn’t want to be disturbed. That was a regular occurrence for him after all.

The lift dinged, signalling it had reached his floor and the doors opened. He physically jumped from surprise when he heard someone call on him from what he had expected to be an empty corridor.

“Toby?” He heard the questioning voice of his brother.

“Freddie, hey,” he replied awkwardly as he watched his brother turn around and lock the door to his room which was adjacent to Toby’s own suite.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, looking Toby up and down judgementally. He knew his clothes were slightly crumpled from being thrown around Adil’s room earlier and his hair was a mess. He hadn’t thought he was going to see anyone else though. I probably still have that huge grin on my face that always happens after I’ve been with Adil as well, he thought to himself.

“Oh, um, I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I decided to go for a walk,” he came up with quickly, fiddling with his hands as he spoke. He was very proud with himself that he didn’t stutter or hesitate once.

“I see. For a moment I thought you were going to tell me you’d been working late again,” he answered, raising his eyebrows as if to challenge Toby. He had used that excuse more times than he cared to admit, but after a month or so of sneaking around it was becoming increasingly difficult to come up with explanations for his whereabouts. He couldn’t use it this time though, as it could not explain why he had been away this late, or early if you wanted to look at it like that. 

Toby knew that Freddie knew he wasn’t telling the truth. He could tell by the way he was looking at him, worry and curiosity etched across his face. That was one of the only downfalls about growing up with someone and spending almost all of your childhood moments together. Secrets were very hard to have, they’d learned that very early on. Which was why Toby was seriously loathing his current situation.

“No, not this time. I have a couple of leave days now, so I don’t have to go into the office. I’ll just be spending the morning working in my room then I’ll come down and eat with you and mother.”

“Alright Toby,” Freddie shrugged, and Toby almost breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for how he didn’t push him for any explanations. For now anyway. It was only going to be a matter of time.

“So, where are you off to?” Toby asked, quickly diverting the focus of the conversation away from himself.

“I’m just off to the training grounds with some of the lads. Got to keep this body fighting fit!”

“Of course, I’ll see you later then.” He nodded goodbye to his brother as they parted ways.

Toby rushed into his room and collapsed on his bed as soon as he had locked the door behind him. There was only so many times he could lie to his brother and expect him to not demand answers. Toby got it. Freddie was his twin brother, they told each other everything. Well, they used to at least. Toby used to think that they knew more about each other than anybody else, but if Toby was keeping such a big thing like this from him, could Freddie be doing the same with him? How well did they really know each other? 

Toby’s brain was spinning, trying to come up with a solution like it always did. But he was far too tired to think about it properly. The problem solving, and the shower, would have to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

They were tangled in the sheets together, Toby’s forehead pressed against Adil’s and he couldn’t stop smiling massively as he looked into his eyes.

“God, you are so beautiful,” he said, stroking Adil’s cheek softly. “I could look at you all day.”

“I could kiss you all day…” Adil answered back, taking the opportunity to lean forward and capture Toby’s lips with his own again. Toby only kissed back with more force, grasping onto Adil’s shoulders for support. After a minute or two he pulled away regretfully.

“I really have to go now, or they’re going to miss me…” He sighed, sitting up on the bed and crossing his legs. To begin with he had thought that meeting at Adil’s place would be safer because there’s no one who could potentially walk in on them or see them together. But now it just seems to be arousing suspicion within his family, and probably the staff at the hotel as well. 

Adil pouted, looking up at him from where he still lay. It was almost enough for Toby to say screw it, I’m going to stay here and we can make out all night. Almost.

“Freddie keeps asking me questions. About where I am, who I’m seeing. I think he suspects something…”

“Sneaking back in at all hours of the morning doesn’t seem to be helping either, huh?” Adil smiled.

“Well that is all completely your fault Adil, if you weren’t being so irresistible all the time then I might actually be able to leave when I say I’m going to.”

“You love me for it though.”

“That I do,” he said, giving Adil one final quick chaste kiss before getting up to get dressed. Adil watched him from the bed.

“Stop staring at me,” he moaned playfully, pulling on his trousers then searching for his shirt.

“I can’t help it, Toby. Tell me you wouldn’t be doing exactly the same thing if the roles were reversed?”

Toby didn’t answer.

“That’s what I thought,” Adil laughed. “So stop criticising me.”

“Seriously though Adil, what will I do if he figures me out?” Toby asked anxiously, the fear evident in his voice as he continued to search for the rest of his clothes.

“How do you think he would react?” Adil questioned, genuinely curious as to what Toby’s frame of mind was about his brother. He was the only the barman, so he didn’t know Freddie well at all.

“Part of me thinks that he would be supportive, that he would love me no matter what. Because that’s what I would feel if we were in opposite situations. I don’t know if that’s just wishful thinking though, we haven’t exactly ever talked about this sort of thing.”

“Would you? Ever talk to him about it?” 

“No… I don’t think so. I mean we used to talk about girls a bit before the war started. Well, he would talk and I would listen and try to give him good advice about something I had no idea about. But this is different. I trust him, but I don’t know if he would be comfortable with having that conversation.”

“Or could it possibly be that you’re the uncomfortable one?” Adil secretly thought that maybe Toby should confide in Freddie. Not now perhaps, as Toby was still coming to terms with everything, but sometime in the future. It wasn’t his place to interfere though. He didn’t want Toby to feel like he had no one to talk to, because he knew how lonely that could make you.

Toby sighed, hating for a moment how well Adil knew him and his feelings.

“That might be part of it as well…” he admitted. 

“Why don’t you just tell Freddie that you have a girlfriend? I’m sure that would placate him for a while, as he’d want to know as much about your love life as you do with his.”

“I definitely have no desire to think about what my brother gets up to with women… Maybe it would, but he would want to know all about her, where we go and things. I am such a bad liar he would see right through me. I’ve never been interested in girls before, he’d probably freak out and want to know all the details. He would want to meet her.”

Toby loathed the way he got when people asked him about his love life. He was all nervous and edgy, terrified that he would say the wrong thing and someone would come to the right conclusions about him. He was about the worst person in the world to keep a secret, and it was even worse now that the best part of his life had become one. 

“Look, I can’t tell you what to do in this situation because I’ve never experienced it before. It’s something you have to figure out for yourself. You know that I’ll always be here for you, but if you don’t want him being so curious you’re going to have to come up with something… How about for the mean time we stop coming here as often?” He suggested.

“I don’t know what would happen to me if I had to go a day without touching you, Adil. Seeing you behind that bar and acting like you mean nothing to me absolutely kills me. Without the promise of your nightly kisses I don’t know how I would survive.”

“I feel the same, Toby. But I’m not saying we should stop seeing each other all together. I was thinking I could always come up and see you after my shift is done. I’d have to be discrete and I know it’s much more dangerous but…”

“I was thinking the exact same thinking actually,” Toby interrupted, now sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“It’s risky, but it seems like the more practical option. Freddie would just be down the hall, but his leave will be over in a few weeks and then we’d have basically the whole floor to ourselves. And it would definitely make my mother happier if I spent less time away from the hotel. I don’t know, it could be kind of… exciting?” he said, hesitating slightly then blushing as the last word came out of his mouth.

“Mr Hamilton, I was not expecting you to react like that…” Adil replied, raising his eyebrows.

“I’m attempting this new thing where I’m trying to be more positive about everything, worry less. Life’s too short, right? What do you think?” He asked teasingly, walking slowly back over to Adil who was now poised against the pillows on the bed.

“I think I could really get used to this,” he answered, roughly pulling Toby down by the collar and kissing him, his fingers running through his hair. 

“You’re going to have to learn to be really, really quiet though,” Toby whispered into his ear suggestively after they pulled apart, short of breath. Adil laughed, pushing him away.

“Leave. Before you’re not able to finish what you started.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Don’t go,” he begged Adil, as the other man’s hand reached up to caress his cheek lovingly. “I know it’s selfish, but please. Don’t go.”

“You know I have to, Toby.” They were standing in the open doorway to Toby’s room after enjoying a few stolen moments together, but it was now time for Adil to go back to work.

“I know. It doesn’t mean I have to like it though.” He pouted.

“Come see me tonight?”

“You wouldn’t be able to stop me.” 

Toby watched lovingly as Adil walked away before turning around to go back to his room, but froze stone cold when he saw Freddie standing there, staring at him like he had three heads. Taking a sharp intake of breath, Toby rushed inside and slammed the door shut and locked it urgently. When he was certain it was secure and that Freddie wouldn’t be able to get in if he tried, he slumped against the door, his breathing short and shallow like he’d just run a marathon. His heart felt like it was beating a million times a minute, and he felt like he might pass out. 

Freddie saw him. With Adil. He saw Adil touch him, and the way they looked at each other. Everything was ruined. 

Toby was unaware how much time past with him in that very position, he was thinking about the many awful things that could happen. Why hadn’t Freddie come to see him? What was running through his head right now? He knew that Adil’s shift had just started, but he needed to see him. He needed assurance that he was going to be okay.

Quietly, he pulled open the door, sticking his head out as fast as he could to check that the coast was clear. Thankfully there was no sign of his brother, or anyone else for that matter. He rushed down the stairs making his way to the staff area where he knew Adil would be, all the while thinking about what he was going to say to him. How could he possibly tell sweet, kind, innocent Adil that their lives as they know it might be over?

When he arrived there was no sign of the man he was desperately seeking. He hurried around whilst scanning the rooms quickly but trying not to attract the attention of anyone else. Which was already difficult in the first place considering he wasn’t supposed to be down here.

“Is everything alright, Mr Hamilton?” Tom asked, as he popped his head into the locker room.

“Oh yes, everything is fine,” Toby replied, but he realised his right hand was constantly rotating his signet ring and that he probably looked quite a mess. Tom wasn’t convinced.

“I’m just looking for Mr Joshi, have you seen him?” he queried, trying hard to hide the desperation in his voice. Tom was Adil’s friend, and he seemed nice. Toby thought he could trust him. Maybe there wouldn’t be any need for the secrets soon anyway.

“He went down to the cellar a few minutes ago.” Toby barely had time to thank him before he was rushing away again and when he reached the stairs he took them two at a time.

“Adil, Adil!” He shouted, feeling safer now he was down here alone where no one could see them.

“Toby?” Adil’s surprised voice reached him from around the corner somewhere and a moment later he appeared looking anxious.

“Adil…” he ran at him and immediately wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his head into the other man’s shoulder. He was out of breath and tears were stinging at the corner of his eyes.

“What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” Adil questioned, pulling away from Toby and placing his hands on his shoulders.

“It’s Freddie… he saw us earlier… I don’t know what to do!” Toby’s words came out rushed and disjointed and Adil felt that if he wasn’t holding onto him he’d be pacing the room. The panic was clear on his face and Adil knew that his main priority was to calm him down.

“Toby, breathe. For me,” he prompted and as Toby looked him in the eye he tried to give a reassuring smile even though on the inside he was freaking out as well. It wasn’t working as he hoped, but he couldn’t have the both of them running around the way Toby was. So he decided to try the only thing that worked when he wanted Toby to shut up. He reached up and kissed him. 

It was a short, sweet kiss but it had the desired effect. Toby’s eyes closed for a second and he took a few deep breaths before opening them again, and the terrified look was gone.

“Just tell me what happened exactly,” Adil prompted once he was sure that Toby wasn’t going to have a full on panic attack.

“I’m not really sure, once you left this morning I turned around and he was there. I don’t know how much he saw but it was enough. He knows about us…” Toby’s voice was in a whisper and broke at the end of the sentence, the way it does when you’re trying your hardest not to cry.

“Toby, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out, don’t worry. What happened after?” 

“I can’t not worry Adil, you could lose your job! You could go to jail! Nothing happened, I went back into my room and haven’t seen him since…” 

As much as Adil loved the way Toby cared for him, sometimes he wished that Toby was a bit less selfless and put himself first for a change. They’d talked about it a little, what they would do if someone found out about them, but they didn’t really enjoy discussing it. To be honest, it was just depressing and always made Toby be in a bad mood afterwards. All they had managed to decide was ‘if it happens, we’ll deal with it then’. He guessed that this moment was now. 

“Please, don’t think about that right now. We have bigger things to worry about.”

“Like what?” Toby sounded incredulous, like nothing mattered more in the word than Adil’s well-being.

“Like what you’re going to say to your brother. How you’re going to explain to him that you are attracted to people of the same gender as you…” 

Adil knew how hard it could be. He’d only had to do it a few times, but every time was as nerve-wracking as the first and it felt the same too. It never got any easier. He imagined that even if he did it every day of his life it still wouldn’t.

“Adil, I can’t… I don’t know what to say. I can’t face him.” Toby admitted, and it broke Adil’s heart seeing him like this. He looked so scared and innocent.

“Toby, I know you better than everyone and I know you can do this. You are the strongest person I have ever met. It’s not going to be easy, I can tell you that for nothing, but you can get through this. And I’m sure it’ll turn out not half as bad as you’re imagining right now,” he moved his arms up and down, stroking his boyfriend softly to try and reassure him.

“If you want, I can come with you to speak to him. I’m supposed to be at the bar but…”

“No, no. Thank you, but I think this is something I need to do by myself. You’re probably right,” and he gave Adil the first genuine smile he had seen since he barrelled into the cellar. 

“Go and find Freddie, and then once you have talked it out you can come find me. Okay?” He prompted and Toby nodded.

“Thank you so much, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Toby admitted with gratitude, placing his forehead against Adil’s so that they were even closer.

“Me either,” Adil confessed. After a few moments, Toby pulled away reluctantly.

“I should get back to work…” Adil acknowledged sadly, hating to leave Toby now more than ever.

“Go, I’m fine, I promise,” Toby encouraged. Adil looked at him carefully. Toby obviously wasn’t fine, but he was definitely better than he was 10 minutes ago. That was as much as he could do for the moment.

“I’ll see you soon,” Adil promised, giving his boyfriend one last reassuring touch before tearing himself away and making his way back up the stairs, glancing back every so often to check on Toby. 

When he was out of sight was when Adil started to panic for himself. He had put on a brave front for Toby but now he was alone the severity of the situation was beginning to settle in. He tried not to think about it as he went through his daily routine, serving drinks and making polite conversations with the customers, but no matter what he was doing it was always in the back of his mind. 

Even if Freddie did accept his brother for who he was, there might still be a chance that he would want Adil to leave. He had always known that might end up happening one day. He just didn’t know how he would survive if it did.


	4. Chapter 4

Toby had been avoiding Freddie all day. Adil had urged him to find his brother and talk to him about it, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it yet. Because as soon as the words came out of his mouth he wouldn’t be able to take them back. It would make this, his relationship with Adil, real to people other than themselves and he didn’t know if he was ready for that. As soon as he left Adil he didn’t feel as brave anymore.

It was after midnight when he heard a knock at the door. He only replied because he thought it was Adil. If he had been paying more attention and hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own head he would have realised that it wasn’t the soft, short knock of his boyfriend. When Freddie entered his room, his eyes widened in shock and he hastily stood up from his desk.

“Toby, we need to talk.” Freddie told him. He tried to figure out what his brother was feeling from the sound of his voice, but it was neutral. It wasn’t friendly, but it wasn’t hostile either.

“It wasn’t what it looked like…” he started lamely but the words sounded forced and empty, even to him.

“Toby, don’t, please. I can’t stand you lying to me anymore. I deserve the truth…” Toby sighed. 

“You’re right.” Toby still couldn’t bring himself to meet Freddie’s eyes.

“Toby, just look at me. I’m not mad, I just want an explanation.” He looked hurt, and it pained Toby to know that he was the one that was causing him to feel this way.

“Just, let me finish talking before you say anything, alright?” Freddie nodded, and then moved to sit at the small table across the room. Toby followed and did the same. He’d been playing through scenarios of this conversation in his head over and over and over all day, and yet now the time was here he didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve always known that I was… different from everyone else. You did too, I know it. Ever since we were children, you’ve always been everybody’s favourite twin. When you started seeing girls I just thought maybe I would get into it a little later than you, I mean I was always playing catch up so I was used to it. But it never happened. That time you came home one night and told me about… what you had done with Sarah Parker, I had never felt like more of an outsider because I hadn’t never thought about doing things like that. It was the first time I felt like I couldn’t talk to you because I couldn’t relate.” Toby paused for a moment, wishing that he had something to hold so that he could look less awkward.

“So, as you’ve probably figured out, I like men. Not women… Never women.” He added for clarity.

“I know that to you it will sound wrong and unfathomable, but it’s who I am. It’s always been who I am, I just didn’t realise it. Adil – Mr Joshi – he’s been here for me when no one else was. He didn’t ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do, which is what a lot of people might think. He helped me figure out who I was and what I was feeling and I don’t think I would have been able to get through this without him. He’s my rock, and it’s not just some sort of illicit romance. I really care for him, and I know he cares for me too.” He stopped again, unable to say anymore. He knew he was welling up and felt that if he opened his mouth again he would start crying. There was a moment of silence before Freddie started talking.

“I don’t think it’s wrong, Toby. I must admit I was very shocked this morning. That’s why it took me so long to speak to you. I needed to think it over. And the more I did, the more it made sense. I don’t understand it. But you do, so that doesn’t mean I can’t support you.” 

“Thank you,” Toby breathed out, almost in a whisper. This time he couldn’t stop the tears from escaping and flowing down his face. 

“I’m just glad I finally know where you’ve been sneaking off to. I was really worried about you, you know.” 

“I’m sorry. I’d thought so many times about telling you Freddie, so many. You have no idea how much I wanted to share this with you, with anyone. It’s exhausting going through all of this alone.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know how you would react. People just don’t talk about this… about people like me. It’s illegal!”

“Surely you didn’t think that I would tell anyone, or report you to the police?”

“No, of course not! But you’re my brother. I couldn’t have lived with myself if you were disgusted in me and never wanted to speak to me again. You mean too much to me, Freddie.”

“Toby, I’m always going to love you. We have a connection, I don’t know how to explain it but we do. I could never be disgusted in you.” Toby looked down at his hands again before he confessed something to Freddie that even Adil didn’t know about.

“I was, to begin with. After the first time that Adil, he kissed me… and I didn’t know what to do. I ran away. I was so scared, Freddie. Scared because I had liked it, because now I knew why I had never been attracted to girls. In that moment I understood who I was, and I hated myself for it. I locked myself in my room and cried all night.”

“Oh Toby, you should have come to me…”

“It was only when Adil came in and he was so worried that I had been repulsed by it and that he would lose his job and the life he’d built for himself when I realised that I shouldn’t try to shut the feelings out. That if he was brave enough to do what he did, then I could be brave enough too.”

“Next time you are going through anything Toby, anything at all, you talk to me okay? I don’t care what it is. I am here for you, no matter what.” Freddie promised him.

“You know I’m here for you too, Freddie. Always.”

Freddie leaned over to envelope his arms around his younger brother, and they hugged for a few minutes, not speaking. Toby nuzzled his face into Freddie’s shoulder, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. They hadn’t been this close physically for years. Eventually, when Toby was calm enough, they pulled apart.

“Look, this may surprise you, but you’re not the first homosexual man I’ve known. And you won’t be the last. It doesn’t really matter to me who people decide to love, it’s no one else’s business I think.” This made Toby smile. It was the first time he had heard anyone say homosexual without fear and repulsion in their voice.

“If only everyone was like that…”

“Hopefully one day they will be.”

He felt so relieved to finally have it off his chest. He didn’t have to hide who he was with Freddie anymore. It was like he’d been living with a massive rock crushing into his chest and now it was suddenly gone. He felt free. No more sneaking around, no more lies. Freddie would cover for him when he was with Adil, it would be easier from now on.

Of course, there was still everyone else to think about, but they seemed almost slightly irrelevant now. Freddie knew. Freddie knew and he didn’t hate him. There couldn’t have been a better outcome.

He couldn’t wait to tell Adil.


	5. Chapter 5

Toby knew it was late, but he also knew that Adil would have been beside himself with worry and that they needed to see each other right now. As soon as Freddie left (after another surprising hug) Toby requested for some coffee to be brought up to his room, knowing that Adil would be the one to bring it to him if he was available. It was one of the only ways they had been able to figure out a way to communicate with each other surreptitiously. 

As soon as he heard the knock on the door he rushed over and flung it open, grabbing Adil by the lapels of his jacket and pulling him inside. He momentarily forgot about the coffee Adil was carrying, almost causing it to go crashing to the ground. 

“Woah, Toby. Careful!” Adil exclaimed as he quickly put the tray down so that his hands were free. Before he had a chance to open his mouth again to ask Toby how it had gone, he was being pushed up against the wall and Toby’s mouth was on his. He gasped in surprise, which only allowed Toby to deepen the kiss. He permitted himself to forget his previous worry as his hands snaked down to grip onto Toby’s waist, the sinking feeling in his stomach that had been plaguing him all day suddenly gone. 

If the talk with Freddie had gone badly then Toby would be panicking even more than he was earlier. Which means he would be worrying and talking too much and too fast and be close to tears. He definitely wouldn’t be making out with him against the bedroom wall without even locking the door first. 

Adil knew that there was nothing in the world that he enjoyed more that kissing Toby. It was electric. It made him feel wanted and loved and alive. But when Toby began to get impatient and excitable, allowing his hands to venture underneath Adil’s shirt, Adil took all his self-restraint and pulled away. Otherwise they would get carried away and nothing would get done.

“Toby, wait. We need to talk first, okay?” Toby looked down at him like he had just come back from his own little world. His eyes were filled with lust and his breathing was ragged. 

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just… for a while I thought I would never get to do that again,” he explained himself, cupping Adil’s face in his hands.

“Believe me, I know,” Adil answered, thinking back to the similar feelings he’s been consumed by all day.

“So it went well?” He asked, and Toby grinned at him. He hadn’t seen him this happy in a long time, maybe even ever. Perhaps he had underestimated the stress that Toby had been under.

“Adil, you have no idea!” 

He listened carefully as Toby repeated the conversation he had with his brother. He looked so care-free and although he knew it wouldn’t last he was going to enjoy it for as long as he could.

“Did he say anything about me?” Adil queried, when Toby had finished but had failed to mention anything about Adil’s future. 

“What do you mean?” Toby asked, looking confused. 

“I mean, do I still have a job here?” He didn’t mean it to come out as harsh as it did, he was still just a little tense. 

“Oh,” Toby replied, looking shocked and a bit upset. 

“I’m sorry, Adil, it honestly didn’t come to mind that you’d be thinking about that, but it should’ve. Of course you do! We actually didn’t discuss our relationship much, or you, but I know that he was comfortable with everything and would never try to separate us. I was being selfish, forgive me?” Toby looked so sad and disappointed in himself that Adil wouldn’t have been able to deny him anything, even if he was mad. 

“Thank God!” Adil exclaimed, letting out a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about at least.

“It’s okay Toby, I understand. It must have been overwhelming for you,” he gave his boyfriend a quick kiss of reassurance, just because he could.

“I’m so proud of you, Toby, I really am.”

“For what? I had to tell him, he saw us!” Toby exclaimed.

“For being brave and true to yourself. You could have easily lied, said that it had never happened before. Or that I was forcing myself upon you.”

“I would never do that to you, Adil!” He promised, sounding incredulous like he couldn’t understand why anyone would ever even think about doing that.

“I know. But lots of people in your situation would. It’s the easier way.” Adil was still taking in Toby, unwilling to take his eyes off him. His fingers were moving absentmindedly up and down his leg.

“I don’t want easy. I want you.” Toby whispered.

Those two sentences made Adil’s heart sore.

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life, Toby. Sometimes it scares me how much I need you. It’s like I’m addicted to being with you.”

“Well that’s good, because I’m not going anywhere.” He promised.

“I’m still so glad that it was only Freddie that saw us though. If it had been anybody else, God forbid if it was my Mother…” Toby frowned as he spoke, obviously disturbed by the thought.

“Don’t you think about that, not just now. We’re just going to have to be more careful. We can do this, I know we can. We will take it one day at a time. I mean, we’re in the middle of a war, anything can happen. There’s no use worrying about the future.”

“You always know what to say to make me feel better,” Toby smiled, nuzzling into Adil’s neck for comfort.

“Adil, I need to tell you something.” He paused, taking a deep breath and averting his eyes. Adil raised his eyebrows quizzically, intrigued. He pulled at Toby’s wrists until he looked back at him. 

“You can tell me anything,” he reminded his boyfriend, smiling reassuringly at him.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I just couldn’t find the right moment and you know me, all awkward and stuttering and I don’t know if it’s too early…”

“Toby, you’re rambling again,” Adil joked, although he could sense that Toby was very tense about this.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m just going to say it…” There was another moment of silence as Toby composed himself.

“I love you. Wow, that feels good. I love you, Adil Joshi.” The smile on Toby’s face was brighter than any star in the universe. 

Adil thought back to all those months ago when he use to dream up fantasies about himself and Toby, about what would happen if by some miracle Toby reciprocated his feelings. Never had he dared think of the possibility that they would fall in love. It’s more than he could have ever hoped for. 

“I love you too, Toby. So much. I’ve loved you for so long, I just didn’t want to scare you off.”

There had always been a part of Adil that was worried that Toby would leave him. Sure, to begin with Adil was convenient and available and willing to do anything Toby wanted. But one day he was certain that Toby would get sick of him, he was the only man he had ever been with of course. At some point, he would realise there’s a whole world out there with better men than him. Men that were beautiful and rich and worthy of Toby Hamilton, who could please him and provide for him in ways Adil never could. Now, however, it had disappeared entirely. They were in love and there wasn’t anything anybody could do or say that would change that. When he voiced this to Toby he was incredulous. 

“If anyone has to worry about that, it’s me! I mean look at you, with your perfect face and that body to die for.” Adil blushed, still not knowing how to react to the compliments he was constantly showered with. 

“But you’re a Hamilton. You have your name and your money...” Toby cut him off before he could say any more nonsense.

“I don’t care about any of that - I’m not Toby without you.”

“I thought I was going to lose you. I never want to feel like that again.”

“I swear to you that as long as I’m alive and you still want me, I will be yours.” Toby said.

With that, Adil decided that they had done enough talking and it was time to get back to where they left off earlier. 

Later on, as the sun began to rise, they lay together on Toby’s bed as close together as they could be. Toby’s arms were around Adil’s torso and his legs locked around his lower body. His head was burrowed into his boyfriend’s bare chest. They never wanted to let go. Neither of them had slept, but neither of them cared.

“I’m so glad I kissed you that night,” Adil voiced, kissing the top of Toby’s head lovingly.

“Me too,” Toby replied confidently. “It was the best day of my life.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, this is the last part of this fanfic! Thank you all for reading, I am surprised at how well this has been received. I hope you enjoyed getting to see a bit more of Toby & Adil now we know there won't be a second season. 
> 
> I would love it if you could comment your thoughts (good or bad) on this story, maybe I will write more Toby & Adil in the future. 
> 
> Thank you! :)

Adil loved his job, he really did. But it was times like this he wished he worked somewhere less exposed and restricted. When he was behind the bar he had nowhere to hide, no chance to just slip away unnoticed. As he watched Freddie Hamilton approach him he frantically scanned the room to see if there was anybody around to save him. But he realised it was barely after noon and the bar was pretty much empty apart from the old man in the corner who looked too out of it to pay attention. All the other staff were busy, so it was just Adil.

He had never had a conversation with Freddie before. In fact they hadn’t ever exchanged words beyond ordering a drink. But now things were different, he knew about him and Toby. This was bound to have happened sooner or later and even though he had somewhat been expecting it, Adil still felt rather nervous.

“Fr… I mean, Lord Hamilton, what can I get for you?” He stumbled on his words as he tried to avoiding looking him in the eye.

“Adil, please, you can call me Freddie when no one else is around. I loathe Lord Hamilton - it makes me feel as old and boring as my Father.”

“Alright, Freddie. Would you like a drink?” Adil asked. 

“Yes, I might as well while I’m here. Just the usual please.” He answered, perching himself onto one of the bar stools.

“I’m glad that I’m getting a chance to talk to you. As you know, it’s been a few days since I talked to Toby and I really just wanted to get to know you a bit better.” Adil looked at him for the first time.

“I’m just the barman, you don’t want to know me. There’s nothing exciting to tell you.”

“I disagree. Toby has told me lots about you.” Adil looked panicked for a moment.

“Don’t worry, all good things of course. I doubt he’d even be able to come up with one bad thing to say about you. He’s a brilliant judge of character, I trust him.” Freddie promised, making Adil smile.

“I was thinking, next time you have a day off we could maybe go somewhere together, us and Toby. This isn’t exactly the best place to be having this conversation, and I’d like to have an hour or two alone to get to know my brother’s new partner. What do you think?”

Adil wasn’t sure. What if someone saw them? There was no lie or explanation he could think of, but then again he wasn’t exactly the smartest. Maybe Toby or Freddie would be able to think of something. He felt himself overthinking the situation already and Freddie must have seen the fear on his face.

“Don’t worry, we won’t stay local. There’s a pub near my base that we go to sometimes, no one will know who we are there. We’ll just be three regular guys.”

Wouldn’t that be nice, Adil thought to himself sarcastically, although he doubted there would be a day where anyone could described that particular trio as normal.

On one hand, Freddie was his boss. He’d been trained for years on the right way to address him and act in his presence. He wouldn’t know what to do in a less formal setting. On the other hand, Freddie was his boss. He couldn’t exactly refuse to go.

There used to be strict lines in his life that he knew he couldn’t cross. As soon as he made the first move with Toby though, they had all began to blur. 

“If Toby’s alright with it, then of course.” Adil caved.

Toby would be there the whole time. He would try not to make a fool of himself and say the wrong things. How bad could it be?

“Thank you, Adil,” Freddie surprised the other man by saying. He gave him a warm, friendly smile before downing the rest of his drink and motioning for a refill.

There was lots of ways Adil had pictured this conversation going. A punch in the face maybe, or a disgusted look and a stern talking to. Of all the things he thought Freddie Hamilton would say to him it had definitely not been that. 

“For what?”

“For looking after Toby. I’ve been distant lately, more than usual. So I’m glad he has you around. You make him so happy. I can tell from the few conversations we’ve had that he cares about you deeply. I have no idea what sort of thoughts have been filling his head all these years, but I know that you have helped him find himself in ways no one else could.”

“That’s nice of you to say, Freddie. It was honestly no trouble,” he said, modest as always.

“You didn’t know Toby before. He was never good at making friends or talking to girls. Always so awkward around everyone, except me. I mean, you’ve probably seen the way he acts when he’s with other people in here – my Mother, friends… With you it’s different. Every time you are mentioned his eyes light up and he cracks that amazing smile that I don’t get to see often enough. It’s like it’s a subconscious action, like he’s not even thinking about it. As soon as you enter the room and he catches your eye, his body language relaxes. You do that. You make him happier than anyone else ever has, including me. You should see the way he looks at you when you can’t see… It really is heart-warming.” 

Adil genuinely didn’t know what to say. He blushed at looked down, trying to find the words. Did he really have that much of an effect on Toby’s life? He hoped so. Adil loved feeling like he was the one to make Toby happy, because it’s what he did for him every single day.

“Just be good to him, alright? Your Toby’s first, well, everything. I don’t know how much experience you’ve had but he is new to this and I can tell he’s already fallen hard for you. I don’t know what he would do if something were to go wrong between the two of you. I know Toby can seem headstrong and knows what he wants, but sometimes it’s just an act…”

“I know, Freddie. I have been watching him from behind this bar for years, and the past few months I’ve gotten to know him pretty well.” Once he finished his sentence he panicked, wondering if he had overstepped his boundaries. He didn’t want to sound like some sort of stalker but thankfully Freddie just chuckled, raising his glass. 

“I suppose you have.”

“Don’t worry Freddie, I promise I am doing my best to keep him safe and happy. And I have no intention of breaking his heart, believe me. Toby is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“You know, I think he would say the exact same thing.” Hearing that made Adil grin.

“Look, I don’t really know how this… your relationship works. Just, when you’re being intimate…” The sentence trailed off as Freddie faltered, looking as embarrassed as Adil felt. 

"We’re careful, I make sure of it. And I would never make Toby do anything he didn’t want to.” He promised, hoping that Freddie would be reassured.

This was more of what he had been expecting. The big brother talk. It’s what he would have received if he was normal and instead of Toby he was seeing a woman with a caring, overprotective brother. It was understandable that Freddie was worried about Toby’s wellbeing.

“Take care of him.”

“Always.”

People started to trickle into the room, making Adil realise that the luncheon upstairs must have finished. Not wanting to outstay his welcome or look suspicious, Freddie quickly finished his drink, giving Adil a curt nod.

“I’ll talk to Toby about the outing and I’m sure he’ll let you know the details.”

Adil watched him leave the bar, feeling more relaxed than he had for a long, long time.

* * * 

“Did you know your brother was going to come and chat with me today?” Adil questioned his boyfriend later that evening as they sat lounging in his hotel room.

“Yes… I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you’d worry about it too much, even though it would be fine. How did it go?”

“It wasn’t as awkward as I imagined it to be, surprisingly.” He admitted.

“That’s great. And you’re up for going out with him one day?” Toby asked, his voice filled with hope.

“Anything to make you happy, Toby.”

“Thank you, Adil. It’s important to me that you get on well…”

“I understand.”

“What did you two talk about then?” Toby questioned, getting up and moving to sit closer to Adil.

“Oh you know, this and that.” He teased.

"He did question me about us being ‘intimate’ at one point…” From the look on Toby’s face he gathered that this had not been part of the conversation Freddie had shared with him.

“He’s never going to be able to look at me the same again though. Every time he sees me he’s going to think ‘that man is having sex with my brother’.” Adil looked disgusted at the thought.

“Believe me, he won’t. He doesn’t want to think about what we get up to as much as I don’t want to think about him and Emma.” Although Toby’s cheeks did turn scarlet at the thought.

“Fair enough.”

“I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Adil.” Toby grabbed his lover’s hands and held them close, looking at him lovingly with so much adoration in his eyes.

“No, I’m the lucky one. You have given me something to believe in, Toby. I’ve never had that before…” Adil admitted. When he thought back to his life before Toby, he wondered how he had the strength to get out of bed every morning without the promise of being able to hold Toby in his arms. 

“I was lost before you found me, you know.” Adil loved this part of their relationship. The way they could open up to each other about their feelings and talk about anything and everything. 

Adil moved his hands up to cup Toby’s face. He would never get tired of looking at Toby, he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And his smile. You could be going through the worst day on earth but if you saw Toby’s smile then everything would suddenly be okay. 

He leaned over to kiss Toby, while the other man grasped onto his shoulders as they got more heated.

“When I touch you, it’s like an addiction. Like I can’t stop…” Toby said, his eyes fluttering closed as he rolled his head back, allowing Adil access to his neck. Adil liked this side of Toby. The side that no one else has seen before. And hopefully no one else would. 

“Then don’t.”

Toby had always had a fascination with touching Adil. First, it was his cheeks, his hair, his waist. And then as things progressed he could not seem to stop roaming his hands over every inch of his skin. Probably because it was the first time in his life that he had been allowed to indulge in what made him feel good. 22 years was a long time to wait for something like that. Adil loved it, it felt like he was being worshipped. 

His mind wandered back to the start of their relationship, when it was all hesitant touches and messy stolen moments and things being over too quick. Toby had been so shy and unsure and inexperienced. Adil hadn’t minded his awkwardness, in fact it made him feel powerful. 

When they were together there was no employer and staff member, no upper class and working class. No labels. It was just Toby and Adil, as equals. 

“I think I’ve been a bad influence on you. Corrupted you, introduced you to my filthy ways.” Adil joked.

“I love your filthy ways though, Adil. I am so thankful for you teaching them to me.” He said seriously. Adil laughed.

Toby wondered how he had gotten so lucky. He had a supportive brother who accepted him for who he was and a boyfriend who loved and cared for him more than he could ever have imagined. He had been sceptical at the time, but maybe Adil had been right – being Toby Hamilton was pretty special after all.


End file.
